Monday, February 11, 2008

Three Hours of My Life...

I watched the Grammys in their entirety for the first time in probably 10 years. I think I'll wait another 10. Or 20. I don't know if you watched it or not, but some observations:

Carrie Underwood is really cute. And I know I'm not a guy, but putting her in hot pants and trying to make her sexy is like trying to do the same thing with a puppy. Doesn't work and should raise the eyebrows of the appropriate authorities.

Shouldn't there be some kind of time limit on Beatles' songs (remixes or otherwise) from being allowed to win Grammys? The soundtrack to 'Love' beat 'Once'? Why should anyone ever make original music again? And, this means we have to listen to Ringo try and pretend he was any kind of creative force. Ugh.

Andy Williams and Tony Bennett shouldn't have been forced to leave the home for this. The teleprompter is totally confusing them. Soooo uncomfortable. And I bet they are pissed they are missing tapioca night and 'Cocoon 2'.

Tina Turner is hot. And almost 70. I hate her. And so wish she would knock Beyonce off the stage.

I have an ongoing issue with CBS...have you seen their promos for their lineup? Almost everyone BUT 'How I Met Your Mother'. What? And why is no one else watching this show? What is wrong with you people?!?!?!?!?!?

I am officially horrified at modern country music. Brad Paisley is on stage, wearing more glitter than a drag queen at Pride, singing a song with the lyric 'I'd like to check you for ticks'. Oh. My. God.

Kanye West is immensely talented. Truly. And immensely insufferable. TRULY.

One of my favorite bloggers, J. Harvey at just wrote something I wish I had- he wondered how many more sports Will Ferrell will make a movie spoofing. He can only hope the next is the biathalon...and there is an onset accident. Heh.

Vince Gill is officially my hero. Did you see? His award was presented by Ringo Starr and Dave Stewart, and he said, ' I just got presented an award by a Beatle. Can you say that, Kanye?' I...LOVE...HIM!!!

'Rhapsody in Blue' is totally boss. No snark here; it still enthralls me over 30 years after hearing it for the first time.

Just in time for Black History Month...Martin Lawrence, Raven, and Jackee' in a movie with eye-rolling, finger-snapping, and more uncomfortable cliches galore! What, Cuba Gooding, Jr. wasn't available? I know Dr. King would be proud.

Is that Jerry Lee Lewis or is this 'Weekend at Bernies 3D'? I'm seriously not sure he's even alive.

Little Richard. I won't say anything, because I don't want to offend African-Americans, gays, drag queens, wig-wearers, molestache-wearers or Porter Waggoner (who evidently posthumously donated his suit.)

And John Fogerty was performing with those two. Do you think he went home and cried?

Flight of the Conchords won Best Comedy Album! Now THAT was a speech I'd love to hear...Murray calling roll for the people he'd like to thank...'God? Is he present? Speak up!'

I have a new nightmare...the commercial with the freaky looking guy with the enormous thighs. Won't sleep...thanks, is singing 'Mack the Knife' he's doing some kind of rap nonsense about the awards...really, stop...STOP!!!!

Quincy Jones needs to join Andy and Tony at the home. Wait, no, I think he's just drunk.

The only way the ending sequence could have been any weirder (cast of 'Love') is if that freak from the commercial came lumbering through.

Just saw on the local news...there will be a debate between state senatorial candidates soon at the Catfish Opry in Noxupater. I keep picturing fish singing on the wall like that singing bass. Yes, this is my home state.