Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Take This Job and Love It

Obviously, some jobs are better than others. I'd rather be selling construction materials than, say, bottled water. What are you going to say, that my water is wetter? More clear? Less taste? That's got to be a tough sell. Here is my list of what I believe to be the best jobs:

1. Meteorologist- You don't even have to be right. I mean, many days is your forecast actually right? Maybe it's a Southern thing, but I'm going with 'hardly ever'. Plus, when have you ever heard of a meteorologist getting fired for being wrong? Maybe for a dearth of personality, lack of camera presence, bad wardrobe...but never for being wrong. How many of us could stay on the job being wrong most of the time? I rest my case.

2. ESPN Personality- Again, you don't even have to be right. You don't have to be polite, pertinent, make valid points, research, or know anything about your subject. You just have to be loud. REAL loud. Loud enough to drown out the other guy. Then, evidently, you win!

3. Being Tilda Swinton. She's bullet-proof. Seriously.

4. Maxim Music Critic- You don't even have to listen to the whole album, just a couple of advance, unedited singles. Then, give the album an arbitrary rating and sufficiently pretentious review. Where do I sign up?

5. My Ex-Husband- Oh, to be absolutely right, absolutely 100% of the time. Must be heaven.

6. Katherine Heigl's Hair Stylist- Evidently, these days she is embracing the Harried, Hurried Suburban Mom look. All you have to do is throw some hot rollers on her head in no particular order, and off she goes! She's late, ya'll, and it's her day for snacks at ballet.