Thursday, January 17, 2008

Don't Go Into the Light, Jerry!

I'm totally fascinated with the latest celebrity couple dining companions...Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (or Tom and Kate Cruise, as he would prefer) and Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld. That Tom is totally out for world Scientology domination. Can you imagine the conversation over dinner?

Jerry: So, what's up with this evil warlord Xenu? He didn't want those people on his planet, so he drops them off here? What did he tell them...hey, everybody, get in the spaceship! We're going on a spa weekend! No, no. That's not a volcano. Don't worry. Seriously, it's a sauna...

Tom: Don't be glib, Jerry.

Jerry: Glib. Now there's a great word. You don't hear many people use it, unless they are totally self-important and/or think they are British. I can hear Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow telling the servants, 'Don't be glib, old chap.'

Tom: (Silently tries using his OT IV powers to launch an ashtray upside Jerry's head)

Jessica: How's your dinner, Katie?

Katie (coming out of her stupor): This steak is amazing! (slips back into aforementioned stupor, daydreaming of one day once again being allowed to go to the bathroom alone. She will soooo be out of the window.)

Jerry: Thetans. What a great concept. You do something wrong, you blame it on them. Sorry, judge, I didn't really steal that car. My thetan made me do it. Can Jewish people have one?

Tom: (Silently texting the Scientology headquarters. 'Mission Impossible')

And, the next day, Jessica takes credit for Jerry's jokes.

Speaking of Katie Holmes, she is looking (using her favorite word) amazingly chic these days. She looks great, for a 45 year old. Too bad she's only 29. She's totally channeling Gloria Vanderbilt, with the hair and big sunglasses. Wait, now I get it. Someone is trying to get Anderson Coopers attention...